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Two little words: Consistency and Grace.
In a marriage ceremony I performed a while ago I told the couple that marriage was NOT as hard as everyone was going to tell them it was. That when all is said and done it comes down to two words: consistency and grace.
When we are first dating each other we are very quick to do certain things. We dress well around each other. We speak softly and tenderly. We prefer the other. You know, stuff like, "No, where do you want to eat tonight?", "What movie do you want to see?". Guys might even dare to say, "Oh, it's just a game. I don't mind going shopping instead".
Then what happens? We get married and suddenly the remote control is nearly chained to our wrist. The best clothes we own is that ratty t-shirt and a pair of holey shorts. Dinner out only happens if the word "pizza" is in the name of the restaurant. And don't even think of doing anything between noon and midnight from mid-August and early-February (football season for the uninformed).
What happened? Inconsistency happened. What do you think our marriages would be like if we actually treated our mates the same way we did when we were dating? If your marriage is good, but stale, try it. If your marriage is headed toward trouble, try it NOW! Act toward your mate the way you act toward complete strangers or potential business clients.
But, there are two words here. The first is consistency. The second is grace. And believe me, Karen is a master at extending grace. Unfortunately, she has to be. And, equally unfortunately, I am not as good at it as I need to be.
What is grace? Grace is treating someone better that they deserve to be treated. When I am not consistent, Karen's grace helps us through. Grace is acting toward the other as if they have been consistent towards us, even when they have not.
Good marriages need both. They need consistent behavior. And they need grace when the behavior is not consistent. And, of course, I mean consistently good.
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